"Nandini, dekho toh", shouted an old, forlorn woman with an unpleasant gait. And the already anxious me had another thousand thoughts gushing in my head. The red sofa on which I was sitting was used beyond repair. And I sat there battling between my thoughts of 'judging' and 'not judging'. After series of emails, research papers, discussions, deliberations with the British Asian Trust, I had got this opportunity, so the prejudices were to be kept at bay. Finally drank the glass of water that was offered to me. Waiting anxiously for Nandini.
"Didi, sorry, subah ka time hai, itne customers hote hain". "Customers", shut the fuck up, Pallavi. "Kya lenge aap? Coffee, chai, coca-cola". "Nahi, thank you. Kuch bhi nahi". " Arey didi, kuch toh lena padega, warna bahar jaakar aap sochengi kuch pilaya bhi nahi". "Giggles". "Coffee chal jaaegi".
Nandini is a rescued sex worker. She was sold by her cousin in Kolkata at the age of 15. She worked as a sex worker in Kolkata for 3 years after which she was deported to Delhi. *WORKING as a sex worker is a grossly misfit word. She was enslaved as a sex worker*. She was in the flesh business for 6 years in which she had seen alcoholics, druggies, violent abusers, psychopaths and lovers. She was rescued an year back and was rehabilitated by the British Asian Trust and now runs a ration shop. So the 'Customers' prejudice breathes a sigh of relief.
Sipping my coffee, I did not know from where to start the conversation. I wanted an honest story without scrapping her wounds. Coffee was sugary, far too much for my palate, this gave me more thinking time to carve my build up to the conversation. "Didi, aap vakeel hai na". "Haan". " Aap prostitution ko legal karwaein". Firstly, I was thankful that Nandini took the plunge and relieved me from the sugary coffee. Secondly, "Prostitution ko legal karwaein". Dude, that's too much knowledge for marginalised and avoided sector to know.
And from here it started. (Rephrasing Nandini's statements in English, the Hindi words are not added in my MS Word dictionary and the red highlight scare me of a typo. *Just a lawyer thing*).
"It's not that this business will shut overnight and victims will be rehabilitated and accepted by society. So whilst in process, legalization of prostitution will atleast give us good living conditions, respite from STDs, free condoms, health check ups, good sanitary conditions. Also once the sector gets the legal status, the middle men abuse will not be predominant. Our taxable incomes will also get us benefits from the government. Right now, even from the government's point view sex workers are a burden and a risky, convulated burden. Once sex workers pay taxes may be the government will be interested to look into their misery and seek solutions".
Three claps. Today, I am extremely proud of my profession and especially those bravehearted lawyers who kept alive the title of 'law of being a noble profession' by educating the marginalised sector of their rights, on pro-bono basis. And also so much respect for Nandini for not being cynical and sadist after whatever she has gone through and blooming like a lotus in a pond of mud and dirt.
Here is Nandini's story.
She was 13 and a virgin. Her virginity was bidded for Rs. 300. A middle aged man, around 40. Brutal and lusty. It was a 20 minute business in which Nandini wasn't even properly undressed. Motive of the 'penetrator', a victory dance of deflowering a young soul. The so called 'first sex' had scarred her so much so that tears didn't stop flowing and goosebumps become more prominent. Because of the brutal act and the shock, Nandini was bed ridden. She cried, howled out of pain, both mental and physical. But brothel has a strict rule, each pain is enjoyed and inflicted with more pain. She was lashed, thrashed, verbally abused. She gave in.
Now that Nandini had lost her virginity she was amongst the lesser mortals in the market. Her bid depended on her 'training'. A 13 year old was forcefully made to watch porn, morning and evening, enact the positions, accentuate her underdeveloped body by wearing threads for clothes. There was a language she had to learn. A language of seduction. A language of be-littling her soul and body. This was a ritual, a daily ritual. And the day she failed her bid test, there was no food. Needless, to say she was in confinement.
She had tried to escape the shackles twice. And burn mark on her left breast and right upper thigh are the medals of her failed courage. For seven days she was kept in confinement. No food but muddy water for survival. For seven days she littered herself in her own urine and faeces.
"Halaat, Didi, halaat, baut kuch sikha dete hain and woh kaam bhi karne padte hain jo galat lagte hain, jinse ghin aati hai".
Over time Nandini had mastered the art of keeping her professional self and her personal self under two different character names After the sunset, she was a celebrated prostitute, a tease like no other. During the broad daylight, she was a shadow, gazing out of the window, into the oblivion.
"Kabhi pyaar hua". To which she laughs and turns red. "Ek baar nahi, 2 baar"- definitely not a SRK fan. The first was a DU student, not good to look at, aiming to join the politics. He spoke to her about Bhagat Singh. "Chehre se toh pyaar nahi hua hai, lekin uski baatein lubhati thi". "Badlav ki baatein karta tha, main bhi toh us dorahe par thi".
And....
"And what, he came one day only to say goodbye. Somewhere, I had developed hope of he being my knight in shining armour. He didn't lead me on and didn't make any promise but somewhere I hoped. I confessed my dependence to him. And he gently hugged me and said everyone has to fight his own life battle. I cried for days together but also thanked him to for giving that shadow who gazed out of the window, into the oblivion, a spark".
The second 'love' was a factory worker. A virgin. Shy and scared. They made love and only talked about themselves. About their past. About their likes and dislikes, about food, weather, birds, clothes. There were days that they talked each other to sleep, whilst being in each others arms. And one day he got her a saree and asked her if she will like to marry him. She beamed with joy and said a jubilant 'YES'. But after the joy sunk in, harsh reality struck. Prostitutes don't have husbands, they have customers. Society is cruel and harsh. A world where rape victims are outlawed, prostitutes are repulsed more. But, Harish, oh!, I missed introducing the 'second love', held her tight and let his eyes do the talking. He told her that he loved her. And that's the bottom line.
And now I had tears, tears which kept flowing. "Love is all there is, is all we know of love". These are the love stories which are commendable. The love stories which rose above the ordinary, the stories which are an inspiration, the stories which developed into classics.
Harish, confessed his feelings for Nandini to his factory manager who was more than happy to help. And through word of mouth, British Asian Trust was contacted. A game plan was devised. And on September 13, 2014, Nandini became a rescued sex worker from a sex worker.
"When your determination changes, every fibre, every nerve in your being, orients itself towards your winning"- Daisaku Ikeda.
For a minute or so Nandini and I looked at each other, tears in our eyes but smiles on our face. So what next. They got married. And Nandini today is 5 months pregnant.
"Ladka chahiye, ya ladki". " Koi bhi ho, Didi, tandaroost ho aur soorat meri ho (main zyada Sundar hoon) aur himmat Harish ki".
We both smiled. Nandini hugged her belly tight.
So, Nandini, how has life been ?
"Life is battle between ups and downs. Setbacks and victories. But every story mandatarily should have a happy ending. That's why we took birth as humans in the first place. Everyone has a mission attached. We can only have a happy ending if that mission is accomplished and we can only accomplish that mission when we endow ourselves with courage, wisdom and compassion. It's not gonna be easy, there will be failures, but trust me, in the end there will be victory. My mission was to struggle in the flesh business, go through all the tough times , escape and then start a fresh new life. Today I work with many women, some sex workers, some sex workers in their own married life, I inspire them to make their own victory. Today you have come to hear my story, you will narrate it to others, and may be my story will reach that one little Nandini in Kolkata who will understand the difference between a good touch and avbad touch and be courageous enough to take a step and raise her voice when she is wronged."
I hugged Nandini tight with a promise that I will visit her soon. She promised besan ke ladoo on my next visit.
