I wanted to megastart 2016 by writing this story but as Shahi Tharoor's bill for decriminalizing homosexuality gets shamelessly thrashed in Lok Sabha, I know the time to tell this story is NOW!
So, a month back, I went for my solo vacation to Pondicherry with a motive to break through my limitations, to come out of my comfort zone and to put a check on one of my life goals- solo vacation. Pondicherry with its remnants of a liberal French colony, lives like a huge embrace , accepting each individual in his own skim, with his own unique personality. It believes and lives the principle that "Just as cherry, plum, peach and damson blossoms all possess their own unique qualities, each person is unique. We cannot become someone else. The important thing is that we live true to ourselves and cause the great flower of our lives to blossom" - Dr. Daisaku Ikeda. So being true to my nature of jabbering away to glory, I spoke to everyone, I met, from the hawker on the beach selling pomfret to the manager of the vintage property I was staying at.
While on my solo expedition of exploring Pondy, I came across a French bistro which looked too pretty to pass. Found myself a comfortable corner and ordered a Bellini and pasta. In a far corner of the Bistro was a young man, desirable to say the least, reading Rumi. A single girl in Pondy, saw a desirable frame with excellent reading taste, obviously I wasn't concentrating on the Pasta. Our eyes met, he started walking to my table, reached the destination and said "Hi, I hope you are liking the food". In my head, I had already made a call to my bff about "How I met someone". The tête-à-tête bloomed into conversations. Avinash owned the bistro and about 2 years back left his cushioned job and moved to Pondy to pursue his passion of opening a restaurant and "living life on daily basis and not just on weekends". Not even 30 minutes had passed and another tall frame of testosterone made way to my table. "Hi, you're a new meat in Pondy". Looks sharp, confident gait and talks well. For once, I couldn't thank enough the imbalanced sex ratio in India of 943 women to 1000 man. Raghav co-owned the Bistro with Avinash.
I am sure accepting who you are and pursuing your passion by keeping aside your monthly salary of 6 figures and the coveted degree was a life defining event. "Well, yes! But life defining event for us will still be when we first came out", said Avinash. Came out? and I gulped the Bellini. "Yeah! Didn't you guess by now? We are gay and live-in partners". Obviously, I didn't, because like a jerk I still believed in the existence of Mr. Darcy. FML. "Comeon, it's been more than an hour and we still haven't gazed at your breasts. Obviously we are not straight", said Raghav. We had a hearty laugh and Bellini made way for Scotch.
(In my defence, ladies the 943:1000 sex ratio is all farce and not functional anymore so come out of your glory of being a luxury. Sigh!)
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a strong supporter of LGBT rights and explicitly and aggressively voice my opinion of this community having its legal sanctity. Therefore, knowing about Avinash-Raghav story was crucial as well as critical. So gleaming eyes, "So what's your story?".
"You know Pallavi, for every queer, coming out is a life defining event and here in India, for 95% queer population the most tragic event as well. I come from a conservative TamBrahm family where if it's not sanctioned by the Vedas and the Purohit, it is criminal. I was 14 when I first witnessed the peculiarity in my being. I was "unnaturally attracted to a senior in my boys' convent". It was as bad as self-immolating myself. I was going through these strange feelings and had no confidant, no one to talk to. After months' of struggle, I gathered courage to speak to my Amma. What followed has had such a deep scar that even after 15 years it gives me goosebumps. Amma couldn't register it one go and brushed it aside and told me to concentrate on my studies. An year had passed but the "unnatural feeling" had not subsided. In the 9th grade when Valentine Day's day was a rage, I collected all strength possible and poured my feelings for the senior in a letter. Every night I re-read the letter to myself only to shove it next day in my study table drawer. The silent lover was still at peace. But one day, the calamity struck. Reaching home after school, I saw Amma and Appa sitting in the drawing room. Appa recklessly held the silent lover's love letter. Appa thrashed me black and blue. There was no exchange of words. I was called names. Work of Satan. My mother wept and cursed the day she conceived me. I was taken to a master of voodoo arts, a tantrik, who inflicted pain too cruel too mention. He thrashed me, burnt me with heating rods, called my "evil possessed spirit". All this continued for 3 months. I had no interaction with the outside world. There was definitely physical pain but more importantly it had ruined my psyche. I hated, detested my body and my existence. After 3 months and after my mother sold her ancestral temple jewellery to furnish the desires of the tantrik I was declared clean. The ride ahead was bumpier. In these 3 months, the Avinash died, and ironically he was now a walking dead. With deep hatred towards everything possible I immersed myself into books, which were not biased. Topped both 10th and 12th grade and cleared IIT-Jee with a double fight national ranks. At last, my parents declared how blessed they were to give birth to a child like me. There was no mention of that 15 year old Avinash who was called the work of Satan .
I joined IIT Bombay. College had a kaleidoscope vision. It fulfilled me in so many ways but also was not able to dilute the vacuum I possessed. Whilst my friends od-ed on the rare being, girls in IIT, I was disinterested. Not because I was hoity toity but because the so called "cleaning process" of the tantrik had not done jackshit to my inclination. Internet opened my window to the world, I met a number of individuals who were "unnatural" like me. We talked of our agonies, our desires, our dreams and also a lot of sexual gratifications. A bit of my original being started to rise as a phoenix, literally from the ashes. I attended my first underground gay bar in my 2nd year of college and that day cried. This was my real coming out day. I was finally accepted for who I was, with non pretentions, no explanations. And in one of these gay parties, is when I met Raghav. We hit it off like sex on fire. It was literally like love at first sight. Love is just not a 4 letter word. It was the power to take over the world, it has the power to cross every salt desert. I came out to my friends who abused me left, right and center for taking so much time to come out them. It was indeed my Homecoming. After completing my engineering and getting placed in Google is when I finally came out, "officially" to my parents. They told me not to show my "Satan face" to them, ever. I left quietly but peacefully.
And today, I am out of closet 'Happy and Gay. Key member of the Hamsafar Trust, Bombay and a friend, mentor guide to hundreds of LGBT who are struggling, fighting against odds."
By now my eyes had dried of tears. I was so heart drenched that words had no meanings. I just sat there, dumbfounded, with tears not stopping.
"Asshole, look what you have done. Women should never cry", said Raghav and hugged me. "Let me tell you my story. It's entertaining. I came out to my parents at the age of 16, while my Mum was serving dinner for both my Dad and me. On hearing it my mom said, "chawal or roti". I thought my mum was obviously brushing it aside and increased my decibel and repeated, "Mom, I am Gay". And all she said, "Okay! But still have to have food, you know". I said, "I will have Roti". We had a 3 hours long discussion that night. My parents were a little disappointed. My father expected me to have trail of hot girlfriends from Mithibai but now he will have to settle for a dude/dudes from Xavier's. At the end of discussion, all my mum said, "We raised you with a lot of expectation but all the way I have always visioned you making us extremely proud and making a social impact. So we are with you, but that doesn't mean, you compromise on your studies. Also no bringing boyfriends home in our absence". Dad on the other hand said, "Are you the boy or the girl in your gay relationship? Better be a girl. You will always win". We all had a hearty laugh".
Raghav and Avinash held hands! "Aww"!
"And then 6 years of being in a relationship and living in Bombay, we both decided to take a plunge in a life long dream of running a bar and restaurant where "ALL" are welcomed. We decided to move to Pondicherry, both because it's solaceful and easy on the pocket, and execute our dream. And here we are 2 years hence, talking to you, who was slyly hitting at us thinking we are straight", Raghav smirked. "Oh! shut up", I didn't. "Of course, you did. Stop lying". "Get lost", bottoms up!
So how has the journey been?
"It's not about a Raghav or a Avinash, it's about a sizable population who is scared to love. The state of affairs is distasteful. The juvenile in the Nirbhaya rape case is the center of debate of being pardoned and two major individuals are considered criminals because they are courageous to love. It's about changing the mindsets. Homosexuality is not a diseases. It's a just a different inclination than the majority population has. It's about struggling to make my Amma and Appa and the likes come at peace with the gay sexual orientation. It's about making a difference in the society where each one is accepted for who he is with no judgement or remorse and can contribute to the social and industrial development of the nation.", Avinash said.
"We are forerunners in decriminalizing homosexuality in India. We are in direct correspondence with the lawmakers and legislators and are working hard with steadfast faith that things will change. And with time we have received a lot of possible change. The elderly generation is accepting, the younger generation is walking with us hand in hand and our LGBT community is falling in love and declaring it with courage and smile", Raghav eyes gleamed with hope, courage and compassion.
It was 1.30 in the night and time for me to leave. I hugged them and thanked them for making me a part of their story. It has been a privilege. I am gonna treasure this tête-à-tête for the rest of m life.
I still made a phone call to my BFF only to say, "How I met someone and his only one"!
